I have seen people who look religious but are very far from it and I have seen others who look far from it yet they are religious. - Mufti Ismail Menk
I saw the above quote from Mufti Menk circulating around facebook and was thinking to myself how true it is. I have had this issue on my mind for the past few weeks and I think it's time I pen down my thoughts.
So you see, recently I've been on my way to correct myself and be back on the righteous path. I know I haven't been a good muslim all these while. Yes, I drink I club etc., in which I got so hooked to it previously that I never did remember how to pray. Cause I was busy remembering song lyrics and learning new dance steps or memorising the nicest drinks in town. It was perhaps, the time of my teenage years and it was something that I would not change, even if I can turn back time.
Wanna know why? Because being bad at a young age teaches me the more important lessons, the lessons which you will never come to know of when you're being all good and decent. At the same time, you learn how to do people profiling - that's something you gotta learn on your own.
At the same time, I also wish to reiterate that while I grew up in a bad environment (not family - but more of my interest and such), I never once did forget my roots and my religion. I grew up in a strict family. I used to go to religious classes up till secondary school and I also learn how to read the Qur'an. & because of that, I still remember about what religion means to me. I still have my faith and it's still strong no matter how bad I am.
When someone belittles you just cause you don't wear the hijab and you talk about other stuffs apart from religion, that just goes to show how small they think of you. Especially when they were just starting to learn more in depth about their religion.
Girl, I learn about Akidah & Akhlak, Tauhid & Fiqh while you were playing at the playground. I was learning the muqaddam when you were having your dinner while watching tv at night. I don't mean to brag, but yes despite my outer looks, I am still knowledgable about my religion. & yes, I know that there is still so much to learn and improve on.
Why I don't don the hijab? Cause in my eyes, the ladies that don the hijab have my utmost respect. In my eyes, the ladies that don the hijab are supposed to portray the innocence, the Akidah and akhlak of a Muslim woman. I am utterly disgraced looking at the girls in hijab being "hijabista" and wears body hugging clothes and some even smoking and being touchy with their boyfriend when it's clear that they are not muhrim. Although I respect you for still covering up, I still wish that you will seek further knowledge and learn of the exact reason why a muslim woman should cover up. To me, I have not reached that level yet and if I were to don the hijab now and still behave like how I always do, I'm being a hypocrite. Simple.
But if you're my friend, I will never judge you. I will never ask you why you're doing this or that. I will not tell you off. Instead, I will try to just say things that might hint you on the wrongs that I see you do. Too err is human, so if I'm wrong, I'll expect you to do the same.
So it's your call if you think that being with a certain someone that is older means they know everything. It's your call if they decide to judge me based on my appearance and whatever I'm doing. It's also your call if you're gonna stand up for me or you're gonna let them talk bad about me. I know that I have and will always stand up for you if people were to say bad things about you. I know I'll always try to reason with them when they say certain things about whatever you're doing.
The last thing I need right now is people who dares to speak up behind my back but keeps quiet when I'm there. They're like crickets you know? & if you're gonna continue doing this please go ahead but when you're down and at your lowest and come to me crying your eyes out, I'll tell you the same thing I always did.
I'm not pious, but at least I don't pretend to be one. And I'm constantly learning new things being friends with the people you both talk bad about all the time. It's no longer the time where we fight fist, but if the day comes and you wanna have a debate on religion, I'll be there to answer it. In Shaa Allah.
If the man doesn't mould you into a better person, both for dunia and akhirah, then he is not the man for you. Also, to find the better man, you should always take a look at yourself and see how good you are first.
Dan di antara tanda-tanda kekuasaan-Nya adalah Dia menciptakan untuk kamu pasangan-pasangan dari jenis kamu sendiri, supaya kamu cenderung dan merasa tenteram kepadanya, dan dijadikan-Nya di antara kamu mawaddah dan rahmat. Sesungguhnya pada yang demikian itu benar-benar terdapat tanda-tanda bagi kaum yang berpikir.” (QS Ar-Rum [30]:21)
Something for you to ponder on, if you ever come across this. I've made up my mind to not contact you until you text me first - unless there's an urgent matter. Until then, hope you're doing well.
