C was saying that we, as girls (aka ladies) are supposed to "claim" this money from our future husbands. Given, we are supposed to ask how much can he afford to give.. but parents are more likely to set it without even asking.
Reason 1: This money is a form of gratitude that we, the girls, are supposed to give to our parents for all that they have done. Especially when our parents are paying for the wedding ceremony. According to her POV, the couple will have gone for their honeymoon happily & the parents will be the one who still forks out money to pay off the debts/balance for the ceremony.
Reason 2: This is to show that the future husband are responsible enough to earn the money and it so called "secures" the negative feelings.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My POV:
- Acts of gratitude or appreciation to parents can never be measured in form of cash amount. Think about it. How can you actually measure time & effort for all those years?
- Acts of gratitude should be shown or can be given any other day. Why must you only give them money on your wedding day? I love my parents, and I will try to give them what they want/need as and when they want/need it. I also shower them with love in my own way & i'm sure they can feel the love even though it's not lovey-dovey.
- I will never ask or allow my parents to be in debt because of me. If I want to get married, and when I'm preparing my marriage ceremony, I'll make sure that I have enough money to have the ceremony my way. They say that you are the King & Queen on your marriage day. So if I'm going to be the Queen, my parents will be MY King & Queen. & hell no, my King & Queen are not going to fork out a single cent. They should instead, be the VVVVVVVIP of the day and enjoy the ceremony more than myself. They should be smiling and shedding happy tears for all the effort they put into raising me up. Why would I want to further burden my parents?
- Being responsible doesn't only come in monetary form. My future husband should be able to show me acts of responsibility before we even decide on getting married. By responsibility, I mean he should already have a stable job, a certain level of knowledge of religion, etc. Having $10k doesn't ensure me that he'll be responsible. What if he's rich and he can get that money with a snap of fingers? What if it's not actually his money - but a loan from the bank? What if he has the $10k but he's a womanizer or a violent person (secretly)? How can money secure all those negative feelings?
- I do not have sky-high education. I do not know how to cook malay dishes (unless future husb is fine with western food & pastries). I have so many other flaws, so much so that I feel duit hantaran is overrated cause it's measured by all of those nowadays.
To me, it's definitely a nay. Why? Because to me, the one that is compulsory is only the mahr (mas kahwin) and as long as I know that my future husband can afford to be responsible for me, our future house, our future kids, it's good enough for me. I don't need my future husband to show the world how much he can afford, he only needs to show and prove it to me.
Marriage in Islam is so simple. Do you know that you can actually get married without the use of any $$$? You only need:
Marriage in Islam is so simple. Do you know that you can actually get married without the use of any $$$? You only need:
- Your future husband
- Tok Kadi
- Wali
- 2 Saksi
- Mas Kahwin (& this can actually be a recital of 1 or more surah)
Add in tradition and customs and it gets overly complicated with the duit hantaran, barang hantaran, door gift, etc.
Seriously, if you're going to invite people that will talk about how sengket your wedding is and compares your duit hantaran to the rest, do yourself a favor and leave them out of that guest list. Because if you're invited to someone's solemnization, your niat should be to witness the beautiful event of two souls becoming one. Not to go there to eat, drink, get a door gift, or gossip.
Ask yourself this: Do you want a beautiful wedding or a beautiful marriage?
