First it was the most impeccable Mr Belit who decides to CC in the orang orang atas. That seriously pisses me off for some reason. & no, I shall not talk about this anymore.
Second, Idk why my sister has to be sooooo unlike her. You just don't mix religious stuff with preference lah ok.
So what happened was, Amy & my sister has been trying to set me up with guys which they THINK will deem fit. The first time, I didn't really mind cause he fits in well (even though it just so happens that we both think staying as friends is much better due to some reasons). The second time, it just caught me off guard and I sort of got annoyed.
Why? Because he's younger than me. I don't do younger guys, why? Because I don't like it. It hurts my ego and pride. I'm not being a bitch, but I just can't.
Then my sister got all worked up for no reason, saying I'm being judgmental because he's young. & she starts to talk about how no one knows who their jodoh is, and that it can be anyone. Best part, she just had to rub it in about dating married man. She said I have to accept qada' & qadr' and if he can guide me to jannah, why not. All of that just cause I told her that I'll tell him that I can't do it.
Urgh writing this now makes me feel even worst. You seriously do not have to go all religion on me. I'm not dumb or ignorant. As much as I'm wild, back then and sometimes even now, I know my religion basics or even more.
- I'm not being judgmental. I didn't say that I'm rejecting him cause he's incapable of providing or loving. I'm also not saying that he's too young to get married, if he wants to, he can when he finds the "right one".
- I know that jodoh itu di tangan Tuhan. & I also know that jodoh itu rahsia. But that doesn't mean that I should just sit and wait for my jodoh to come right? That doesn't restrict me from having my own preference of the kind of guys I prefer to go out with. Seandainya, one day I end up with marrying someone younger than me, I'll gladly accept fate as it is. But for you to force me to open up myself now, no. I'm sorry but I can't do that.
- So yes, I've dated attached/married man before. Time JAHIL. At the time when money and sweet talks mattered more than anything else in the world. At the time when going out with someone who can comfort me knowing that we're not committed to each other pleases me. BUT then again, that was the past. BUT again, what if he happens to be my jodoh in disguise? Since you're going all jodoh itu rahsia with me.
- Don't go all qada' and qadr' with me when you're struggling with it yourself. Remember how you were trying to determine where Danish should go to school so that he doesn't turn out bad? Seandainya if you accept your own qada' and qadr', then you should know better that no matter where you place him, if he's meant to be a pious kid, he will be. Remember that accepting your fate is applicable in any situation.
- Last point. I'm your sister. He's a nobody to you. I don't understand why you're rooting so much for him and getting all worked up at me when you don't even know him inside out. He can guide me to jannah? How do you know if he does beribadah? Kuat agama? Willing to learn more? His understanding of life and marriage? If you don't know that much about him, then don't push him up to the skies.
Damn it, I can go on and on and on about this. Why can't it be just as easy as understanding that I'm a human and I have preferences too. Be it about guys, life, etc. & for goodness sake, I'm your sister. Shouldn't you be rooting for me instead. After all, it's for my happiness. What I want or who I want, if that makes me happy, shouldn't you be happy for me too?
Family first, remember?
Xox,
Family first, remember?
Xox,
